The Misplaced Recesses of My Heart

I’m feeling about as selfish as I’ve ever felt, which might show a lack of feeling. But right now I’m numb to both need and passion, so it’s to be expected. It’s all so confusing you see, when love and hate have mixed and burned each other out, leaving the charred remains of a once vibrant soul. Or perhaps it was never vibrant. Maybe I’ve just been fooling myself into thinking I’m something great, when I’m really not.
I’m hurt, crawling back and grasping for vanishing wisps of ground I once thought solid. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, until wrong is right and right is wrong of course. How can one right hate another? How can love fight love? My cherished love fights against my cherished truths, and my good friends turn against each other. I long to hold you in my arms, but you slash at my heart, wounding my foolish pride and cherished memories. I heard that I’m to blame; that I’ve done that and worse. I’d give it all and leave nothing for myself, if only I could understand. Is this a universe of thought and feeling, or am I, like Icarus, doomed to fall into the cold ocean of a reality void of meaning?